by: Gayle Shimoff
When I first saw this video circulating on Facebook I REALLY LIKED IT and I agreed with its message.
I still do, but a series of emails sent to me by a friend, has given me pause to reconsider.
I have always believed that labels are misused and abused and that today’s generation of kids are growing up being poked and prodded, diagnosed and labeled and then put into a box – with disregard to the effectiveness of it all and the effect it has on their self-esteem.
I have a friend whose 12-year-old son was just diagnosed with high functioning autism FOR THE FIRST TIME. He has always attended regular school with a decent amount of success, has friends and gets awards in school for reading. Mom is not in la-la land – she is quiet aware of his “issues” and knows that he falls somewhere on the spectrum, and gets him all the help he needs.
However, she admitted to me, that she doesn’t know how much she would have pushed him to succeed and be socially competent, if someone had given him the label of autism as a preschooler.
And yet - not properly diagnosing or “labeling” certain kids CAN BE dangerous to the child and the other people in his world.
I would like to share with you some excerpts from my friend’s emails:
“I generally agree with the sentiment of the video – especially the ADHD/ kid part. However, as a parent whose child has been exposed to some pretty horrible treatment, I have to say that the world would be a much more dangerous place if we didn’t assign labels and then isolate/treat as needed based on the labels….For proper treatment to happen, a label has to be given and treatment stuck with.”
When does a kid begin deserving a label? When he throws a fuzzball at someone? When he throws a book (my friend’s son lost vision in an eye when a classmate threw a book)? When he throws scissors – but misses, possibly even intentionally missing? If we can’t label, we can’t isolate the dangerous from the non-dangerous. We also lose the opportunity to reach kids who need to be reached in different ways than mainstream learners….
I want to add that I am also frustrated that in our efforts to be politically correct, we don’t allow the labels to go far enough. Some kids are simply violent, dangerous or abusive, but we’re hesitant to call a spade a spade. After all, perhaps with the right kind of help, they can become all the wonderful things that the video showed. But at what price?
How many have to be victimized along the way to helping them?
Unfortunately, once a label is assigned, often kids with any kind of label are all lumped together in one classroom… And kids, like my son (who is not at all violent or abusive) become the recipients of the abuse and bullying.
I’ve had very interesting parenting experiences, and I’m not done yet.”
T.S.
I pay attention to the nuances in life and truly believe that life is all about shades of gray. There is no right or wrong to this dilemma, and as far as I am concerned, the jury is still out.
But what do you think?
All the best,
Gayle
But without the label, it is nearly impossible for your child to get the help that they need and deserve without paying for it privately. When my son was first diagnosed at 3, I didn’t care what they labeled him as long as he got the professional help that he required. Each year it was a different label, pre-school handicapped, learning disabled etc. He is 18-years-old now a wonderful, creative and bright young man, but I am convinced that he would not have been a success story without the labels and without the help that he received.
My son was also dxed at age 12 with PDD-NOS. We were starting to have issues with the school around that time because while we were quite aware he had issues and we had always dealt with the “issues” without feeling the need for a dx…we needed more structured assistance and thus, got the dx. IMMEDIATELY the school labelled him “retarded” and “emotionally disturbed” and tried to place him in a classroom for emotionally disabled children. Which he wasn’t. Within a year we had removed him and placed him in a specialized school for children on the spectrum. He is in the second to the highest class in academic/functional skills and has trained to be a nurses aide. We are making aliyah this summer…and we’ll have to relearn everything but I think we can. We never saw Evan as a label. He was a child who was unique. I agree. I don’t think we would have expected what we did nor achieved so much if we had only seem him as a label.
Hi Eli
Good luck to you and to your entire family on your move to Israel. We await your arrival and are thrilled that another family is making aliyah. Please let us know if you need any guidance with educational issues for Evan.
All the best
Gayle